Comparison is the Thief of Joy

It is said that comparison is the thief of joy. From comparing your grades to classmates, your body type to those you see in the media, your house to your neighbours - we all do it. And it is an extremely unfair way to approach achievements and progress.

We find this trend is true also with people comparing their dogs, especially puppies, to the achievements, behaviours, and abilities of the dogs around them. It can be really disheartening for the people dealing with behaviour problems in their dogs, but we even see it with the highs and lows of regular dog and pup training. 

It is impossible to look at another person’s progress with their dog and not compare – but in reality it is not truly relevant to how your dog is doing. There are so many factors that affect what your dog does, and it’s important to always remember that our dog’s and the journey we are on with them is unique and special in its own right.

GENETICS, PERSONALITY, AND YOUR DOG AS WHO THEY ARE

Raising a puppy, or having a dog, is a lot like having children. Everyone has one, or knows someone who has one - so they have opinions, advice, and anecdotes on every aspect of the experience. But the important thing to realise is that NO ONE else has the exact dog you do, and that is never going to change. Your dog will have their own likes and dislikes, their own developmental timing, their own skills that they perform better than others and that means achievements will come in their very own flavour! 

Just like children, there are some guidelines around physical development and maturation that can help give an indicator on the progress your pup is making, but what we need to realise is that, just like children, those are just guidelines! The list of how our dogs vary is endless… Some dogs are couch potatoes, some are extremely driven to work and learn. Some are homebodies, and some would do anything for a race down to the park to see their doggy friends. 

Estelle was lucky enough to whelp and raise a litter of puppies, and was able to demonstrate how to approach training the same thing with two puppies who showed very different personality types.

Ace was a puppy who sat at the high end of the enthusiasm spectrum, and needed considerations for keeping his fast paced brain engaged with the slower, more focus based task. Hope, on the other hand, was a bit more nervous about high energy things, and enjoyed the predictability of the learning process. The goal for Hope was to actually increase the energy for her to build her confidence using some tricks. 

Two very different approaches to what could be seen as the same training session: check it out!

Hope, the puppy that Estelle has kept in the family, had every single milestone was further down the timeline than you may initially expect. Walking around comfortably in public spaces wasn’t even on the list for Estelle to train until after Hope was 8 months old! Instead, she and Estelle went to places and sat to watch the world to learn it wasn’t so scary…

That’s a bit different to the ‘run around and meet everyone and make friends’ narrative that most people expect with their young dogs: but for wee Hopey, this was exactly what she needed for the personality type she has. Introversion is one of the big things we find can make people feel like they’re doing something wrong, but the key for these types of dogs is to slow everything down to their pace - not try and make them keep up with a storyline that isn’t even universal.


WHAT YOU SEE VS. REALITY

We can’t talk about the issues that come with comparison without mentioning about the ever looming presence of social media: where content creators can pick and choose their best moments - editing out anything that won’t garner the most likes and comments. A curated experience to show only the ‘highlight reel’, meaning every time you trip and stumble it seems like you may be the only one.

The training you see online is often the cases that show quick fixes (to keep the audience entertained). The training that shows a dog below threshold, taking hours of repetitions and work does not get views in this day and age. But that is the kind of consistency and patience you need when training new things with your dog! You cannot compare to an experience that doesn’t even actually exist.

And then let’s take it back to the real world. 

The biggest thing we like to remind people is that the dog’s you see out in public are the ones who are already behaving to a standard where they can be out in public. 

This could mean a few things: 

• The owner is extremely lucky to have got a dog that is resilient, willing, and capable in a busy public space 
• The owner has done an extreme amount of training to get to that point
• The dog is suppressing behaviours because they are feeling overwhelmed and aren’t actually coping as well you think! 

If you have a dog who needs special considerations - like going to deserted parks, walking in the early morning or late at night - it’s important to remember that you won’t see other people who are in the same boat as you! They’re working just as hard on their training as you, and making sure their dog is set up for success - so you won’t see them in environments that their dog is not suited to.

Training out in public is a kettle of fish on its own. For group classes, it’s a difficult environment to ask any puppy or dog to focus, so you might be in the boat of ‘I swear they can do this at home!’

To be surrounded by other people who may be achieving more than you, or being told your dog is not suited for class, may make you feel like you are failing when class settings are just not suitable for every type of dog.  There is a heavy feeling of other people's eyes on you when you are out and about with your dog - the feeling of being judged... But other people's opinions on your dog really do not matter in the end!

The dogs you see succeeding are the ones who just happen to have a bit more confidence and resilience, and the fact that your pup isn’t of the same disposition is not something to be ashamed of. You should be proud of all the work you are putting in.

To compare is to be human, but it’s how we respond to those comparisons that are important.
- Brené Brown

You can compare yourself and your dog to what other people are doing and let it beat you down. But that doesn’t help you or your pup. If you compare and use it to better yourself, feel compassion for your dog, and maybe even learn new ways to achieve the goals you have, your training will be so much more fulfilling. Racing against others leaves you feeling drained, but seeing how far you’ve come and how much you can learn together is a much more rewarding experience - for both of you!

The key is being able to adapt your training and expectations to the dog you have, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. Some days will be worse than others, but that’s life. Don’t let other people’s highlight reel steal the joy of your own incredible journey together.

Authored by Sarah Endres
Dog Trainer and Behaviour Advisor