A Mums Perspective on Raising Dogs and Kids

My dog partnership journey started in June 2014 when we drove from Tauranga to Auckland to collect a 9 week old Border Collie X pup, we named Merlin.
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He was and still is my dream dog.  He will be 9 in March 2023 and has not once caused me any major behavioural concerns.

In December 2014 when Merlin was 9 months old, we were given the opportunity to adopt a 6 month old German Shepherd and we named her Lilith.  She was my heart dog.

Our dogs were great mates and played together wonderfully, although Lilith was a back of the neck grabber to Merlin when he was in herding mode with his toys.  Once I found “her toy” though, which was a rugby ball, I worked out to throw her ball first in one direction (she was a shepherd after all and had to do everything first!) and then Merlin’s in the other direction.

Our first son was born in November 2016 and my journey of being a stay-at-home mum began.  I’d have to say for me, Motherhood was what I was expecting.  I think I had prepared myself well for how to work out my days, when it was best to sneak in a quick shower, how to still manage the household and keep a baby fed, changed, loved and happy.

I had an emergency caesarean so of course that meant I couldn't drive for 6 weeks. This is when the feelings of guilt about the dogs crept in.  I live on a lifestyle property with plenty of space for 2 dogs to run about but I felt guilty that I couldn’t get them out of the property for their walks.  We weren't in a position to be able to afford to pay for a dog walker and all family members close by were all working full time, so it was just me.

I did okay for a while though.  Baby was in a pram and we were out walking around our rural property with 2 dogs in tow.  There was lots of play as well as managed rest times when the baby was having tummy time/floor time.
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I managed this with baby gates and playpens as barriers and by teaching the dogs when they were calm, they received treats and praise.

On weekends,  when I had my partner's help, we’d take the dogs to the river for a swim and once I could drive again, I occasionally managed to have an off property walk but never as many as I'd have liked.

Due to her lack of early socialising with people outside of her own family (breeder)  in her first 6 months, our German Shepherd Lilith was reactive towards strangers.

On a few days that I did manage my off property walks, I had a few encounters that made me uncomfortable so of course the guilty feelings made an appearance again.

On one walk, an elderly gentleman was approaching us and Lilith went up to him barking which of course stopped him in his tracks.  If an unknown, large, black german shepherd was barking at me, I’d freeze too!

On another, she approached and barked at a lady with 2 children in a pram which of course shocked me and sent my handling confidence way down.
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Lilith was always perfectly behaved around dogs, big and small, but because of her reactivity towards people, I avoided busy walks and busy times but after those 2 encounters, thoughts about re-homing her entered my mind.

Was I the best home for her?  Maybe someone else could give her more time?  I can’t do this... it’s too hard walking two dogs on my own with a child as well.  Am I cheating them out of a happier life?

We were due to have our second son in December 2017 and I just knew, getting 2 dogs and 2 children out and about was going to be even harder.  I was going to have a newborn and a 13 month old!

The opportunity arose for family members to take Lilith in, so in April 2017 she went to Christchurch.  Although we missed her, we knew she’d be better off.  They already had a slightly older Shepherd, they were retired so were at home most of the time on their lifestyle property and there were daily trips to the forest and walking tracks - everything seemed right for her.

But when we visited about 6 months later in October 2017, I immediately discovered it was not in her best interest to stay there (fights with the older female shepherd plus a few other circumstances) so after our holiday, she returned home with us.

In early December 2017, our second son was born and she had slotted effortlessly back into her life with us.
I got over my fear of “not being the best place” for my dogs to be and threw myself into entertaining them as I entertained my toddler.

Games to find their food, separate play, separate walks.  Good quality time with me.

As the children grew, they helped me with things like feeding the dogs.  I had taught them to respect the dog's space early on and feeding/eating time is one of these times.

Under my supervision, they put the bowls down and then they walked away to leave the dogs to eat in peace.  I never once told my dogs off for growling at my kids (Merlin the collie was the only one that ever growled at them) but then again the boys were never allowed to crawl over or on top of the dogs and they learnt very early on that a growl from collie Merlin meant, “Stop, I don’t like that”.

If he got too close to Merlin and he growled, my eldest would say, “Mum, Merlin just growled at me” and I’d say, “what does that mean?”.  He’d say, “stop” and I’d ask “so, what do you need to do?” and he’d say, “move away”.
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A dog should not have to be bomb proof!  What does that mean anyway?  I would not want to be clambered all over, have my hair pulled, eyes poked only to be told off or yelled at, if I spoke up!  It’s not fair.

All in all, I realised that I’ve raised pretty decent dogs as well as tiny humans because I made an effort and I made an effort because I didn’t want to cheat any of them out of a happy existence.

My heart dog Lilith passed away after a tragic accident at home in June 2019 and I miss her terribly.  Despite her reactiveness to strangers, she was the most loving dog for us and our close family.
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In October 2021 another little Collie X pup, who we named Bo, entered our lives and that became a whole different learning experience.

I’d raised and managed dogs with babies but not a puppy with preschoolers!
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But my same rules applied - this time managing the puppy behaviours around the children was at the forefront of everything I did.
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We used baby gates and barrier pens again, this time protecting the children’s toys and areas from a puppy that didn’t know the difference between his toys and theirs, what he could chew and what was off limits - we didn’t remove those barriers until after Bo was a year old.

In my opinion, there is a lot of pressure when you mix dogs and children, whether that be introducing an existing dog to the presence of a baby or introducing a puppy to your home when you have young children.  The dream or idea of puppies and children growing up together and being lifelong friends doesn’t happen for everyone - for some it does and that’s great.

My story is more for the people who have a dog that isn’t a bad dog, has no behaviour issues that put anyone in the family in danger but you feel that the dog would be better off living with someone else, to go somewhere else to someone else that has more time and to those people I say - I get it!  I felt exactly like that!

But… I got to see what being somewhere else with someone else was like and in my case (or the dog's case) that was far from perfect.

I realised we were her best home and she was living her best life with us.  I put the effort into making both my dogs' days full, not just in walks and outings but just being a part of a family and understanding a dog's need to be a dog and fulfilling that the best I could.

This scenario won’t happen for everyone though and in that case, the dog is likely to be better off rehomed somewhere better suited to its needs.

We got to enjoy only another very short but wonderful 18 months with Lilith, the dog that I thought created the most guilt for me, only to have to say goodbye to her, to have her gone physically from our lives for good - now forever in our hearts. 

Treasure those hard times because they teach you the most, not only about dog behaviour but also about your own.

Authored by Letisha Anstis
General Assistant & Support Trainer
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